Coming out

We understand that coming out at work, whether it’s to your colleagues or pupils, can be an anxiety-inducing experience. It might even be something that you don’t think you could ever do. This might be due to a fear that you won’t be accepted, that you will be treated differently, or perhaps because you don’t feel like it is safe to do so. We would always advise that you seek support if you think that coming out in school would put you in an unsafe or vulnerable position. With that being said, in most cases, teachers report having positive reactions from their colleagues, pupils, and wider-school community.

The Law

When, how, and if you decide to come out at work should always be your decision and under your terms. If you are being threatened to be outed at work, we recommend seeking advice. The Equality Act 2010 protects employees from discrimination and harassment on based on their actual or perceived sexual orientation and/or gender identity. If you feel like you are being targeted or feel intimidated, degraded, humiliated, or offended then this behaviour is classed as harassment and is unlawful under the Equality Act 2010. Further advice is available at: https://www.stonewall.org.uk/harassment-workplace

COMING OUT AT work - real STORIES

“Is your partner a boy or a girl?”

I came out to my family and friends just over two years ago. In terms of school, I guess I just normalised it, firstly to those who I was friendlier with, by saying things like ‘I went on a date at the weekend and I really liked him’ and then mentioning my boyfriend in day-to-day chat. My colleagues at school are accepting and very inclusive especially my headteacher who is so inclusive and so supportive- he’s amazing! Recently, I was at lunch with my Y3 class chatting away and the children seemed really curious (as children are). They were asking me all sorts of questions like ‘who do you live with?’ and ‘who does the cooking?’. I responded with the word ‘partner’ which led to one girl asking, ‘is your partner a boy or a girl?’. I wasn’t going to lie. I then told my class ‘properly’ and they were so mature and brilliant. I have been met with nothing but acceptance, it has been amazing.  My piece of advice for anyone questioning whether or not to come out at school is just do it. I spent years hiding and not being myself and now I feel refreshed, free, normal and myself.

Nathan Douglas (Deputy Headteacher, West Midlands)

“I thought about the message I would be sending in my silence”

I didn’t plan to come out to my class. It didn’t feel like something that I needed to talk to my class about. Then, in December last year, a child in my class (who was angry at a decision that I had made) called me gay as a deliberately selected insult. He didn’t say it to me; he shouted it in front of the whole class and stormed out of the room. After making sure he was with an adult who could help regulate his anger, I returned to see my entire class silently staring at me, waiting to see how I would respond. I took a second to consider how best to deal with this. Honestly, I initially considered just brushing past it. Then I thought about what message I would be sending in my silence. If I don’t address this, then I’d be condoning using that word as an insult and suggesting that being gay is something we should never talk about. So, I stood in front of my class, took a deep breath and said, “It doesn’t offend me that he just called me gay. That word isn’t an insult. I am gay. For me, that means one day I hope to fall in love and get married to a man. I would like to be a husband, and maybe one day have a family with that husband. I am gay, and I think that’s ok.” We went on to discuss the term gay. The children had misconceptions about what it meant and we unpicked them together. We talked about how it is wrong to use that word as an insult, or to discriminate as a result of that word. We had a long honest conversation and the children were so kind. Since then, I’ve never heard a child in my class use the word gay inappropriately, and I’ve actually heard some of them correct other children for using it as an insult or as a synonym for pathetic. Honestly, I cried a lot after that conversation. Partly because it still hurt to be called gay as though it were an insult, partly because I was once again having to justify myself and come out as if I should be hidden in the first place, but mostly I cried because I just felt like I had just done something really important. I couldn’t imagine how much it would have changed my childhood if someone had done that for me when I was younger.

Joseph Brassington (Y2 Teacher, Staffordshire)

“this is a part of my life that I don’t want to hide”

I was nervous the first time going into placement, not only because it was my first one but also because I identify as a lesbian and that brings a whole host of other worries with it. ‘Will I be accepted?’, ‘Will I be judged and treated differently?’ are questions that ran through my mind. But for me, being open and honest from the start was, and is, very important. I didn’t make it a big thing, but I also didn’t hide who I was married to, if it came up I would tell people. Each staff member I spoke to was an opportunity to let them know who I am, but I also understood that doing this put me in a vulnerable position. My school mentor was the first person I told, we were talking away and I mentioned my wife Claire and that was that. Nothing was said about it and we just carried on talking. I believe it is important for me to tell people as this is a part of my life that I don’t want to hide, I did that for too long and I’m not prepared to do it again. Claire is the most important person in my life and also my next of kin so if anything happened at school she would be contacted. My advice would be, don’t be scared of what people might think. It’s easy to say but being an out lesbian for 10 years has taught me that judgement comes from a place of fear and that judgement says a lot more about that person than it does about you. 

Katie Furlong-Chadburn (PGCE Student Teacher, Tyne and Wear)